Nostalgic Sat evening

Attended the homecoming dinner of my secondary school, Mayflower Secondary School, jus a while ago and it really brings back all those memories from the corner of my hind brain.( for those who dun know, hind brain is where all our memories are )Although the turnout wasnt as i expected, quite a number of my classmates didnt turn up, but nevertheless, its still quite nice to see those familiar faces whom i would see everyday back then.

The homecoming dinner was actually organised with a reason. The old school campus will be demolished to make way for the new campus which is almost done jus next to the old one. So this is said to be a last reunion at the old school campus. The dinner was held in the hall of the school where i remember we would attend assemblies at back then. And guess how my classmates get to know bout the dinner.....Thru Frenster....how nice rite? Yes, frenster realli bring ppl together i guess. And i'm glad someone actually make the effort to organise the gathering and bought the tickets on our behalf....Thanks to KaiWei,wendy and weiling(pretty ladies, will post the pics when i get a hold of em)

Well, a trip back to the school realli bring back memories when i was still a teenager, where obstacles and problems i have to overcome is jus to study and pass tests and exams. Not like now, stress from work and other problems which bug u and never seem to leave and things dun seems to go ur way. Well, i guess thats life huh?? Went up to the classrooms where we used to study in, nothing much had changed lah seriously except that the classrooms r now air conditioned....so shiok rite? No wonder kids nowadays r so spoilt.....all thanks to technology and the ever increasing standard of living. Remember those days when we sould always discussed where to play soccer after school instead of heading home to do homework. And of cos not to forget the NPCC days which i can say r more of the highlights of my sec sch days. thats y i'm closer to my NPCC frens who always have gatherings every now and then. Saw a lot of teachers who imparted their knowledge to us, and some of them still looked the same lor.....amazing....like time had freezed at their side. Muz say that i'm quite surprised that so many of the teachers who taught me then r still there.

Another week is coming to an end.....had become more wiser i guess. Learnt that we shouldnt force things to become the way u want them to be when they werent meant to be that way. Everything should be fixed nicely, like a jigsaw puzzle where each pieces only fix nicely to another piece when they are suppose to be and aligned properly. There a chinese saying:"mian chiang shi bu huei you xin fu de". Meaning that there wont be happiness when things are force to be the way they werent meant to be. So i guess, have to let things run by their own and let nature take its course. Although some things will never change but the outcome will still be different. Read ray's blog and learnt new things also.....haha very interesting indeed, ironically things are realli that way. Guess thats the game lah huh!! We have to follow the rules or be foul out. Well, so much for a thoughtful and nostalgic me, Till i blog again.

Cheers,
Teddy

Another week passed....

Another week passed and i'm older by another week. Nothing much happened the past week, been busy at work though and had been working real late in office which made me miss a week of evening jogs. I have not been seeing her for another full week and that makes it nearly one month already.....and like wat my ganjie said, sick of me telling the whole world how i miss her, but i realli do.....cant seem to get her out of my head. Cos she's having her exam so i also didnt call her much and tok to her. How i wish i can meet her soon and hear her voice again and this time its not from the speaker of the handset of the phone.....something analog rather than electronic.....hmmm haha wat a way to put it. Sorri ganjie, i'm cant help it. This is suppose to be a diary of some sort and it is suppose to hold my thots. I onli write wats on my mind and strangely, she's everywhere in my mind.....i sing i think of her, i jog i think of her, seems like she's everywhere i go....even when i go clubbing, i think of her. Ask me to stop it and not think bout her, how?

Went clubbing @ chinablack on fri with my NS juniors. They always jio me and i had turned them down a few times liow so i think, wat the heck, its been like three weeks since i last clubbed and joined them. The music is good, been a long time since i danced so hard but the service there sucks big time.....next time ask me to go again, i will think first before i go....well cover charge is cheep lah and the drink before 12 is cheap also @ 10 bucks per jug. Wat i mean sucks is that for re-entry, u have to join the new entry queue.....WTF, cos they check the id and stuff and u have to wait again for re-entry where other clubs have a seperate queue for re-entry.....and i was in the dance floor and i looked at my watch, noticed its jus 5 mins to 12 and thot of getting a few more jugs before the offer closed, went there ordered immediately and the bartender, a gal, looked at her watch, went around behind the bar and spoke to her colleague and then on of her colleague rang the bell implying that the offer is closed for the nite and i looked at the gal and she signal a cross sign with her hands, implying my order cant be fulfilled anymore.....

KNN, i feel so fucked up.....y couldnt u fulfill my orders first before closing?? its not even 12 yet when i placed my order.....realli feel like giving her one tight slap.....asked how much is a jug of beer, $35.....not wanting to look bad, i ordered one jug anyway. $35 can get me 3 jug before 12 and in DblO, can get me 11 shots easily....thats y i say the service there sucks.....and another ridiculous thing is that, no entry before 10 or 9.30..... stupid rite?? watever lah, anyway i had fun that nite cos long time never see those guys liow and the music's good also. at least something to balance things up. Well, thats prob the highlight of the week liow.....besides this, nothing much happened but i hope this week will be more interesting lor....til i blog again, Take good care. And one more thing, good luck to u ganjie and wish that ur job issue will be solved to the way u want it.....heehee and not forgeting to reserve some luck for hy also for her last paper tomolo. ;)

Cheers,
Teddy

Singapore Fireworks Festival

Wow, i went for the last day of the firewerks fest at marina promenade and it realli touched me deep in.....tears well up in my eyes as the beauty of the pyrotechnic and awesome firework display lit up the dark sky and fascinates me thoroughly. Never had this kind of feeling b4 and how i wish she was there, sharing this wonderful feeling wif me. But nevertheless, i dedicate this blog to hy, wishing her all the best and good luck in her exams. And to ganjie, ur long awaited firewerks.....u realli shld have joined me.....looking forward to next year's SFF, Enjoy the fotos....






fire1


fire2


blue


fire4


fire5


fire12


fire11


fire6


fire7


fire8


fire9


fire10


fire13


fire14


aftermath


nitescene

Cheers,
Teddy

missing u

Like wat thomas said, had quite a fulfilling day yesterday, met up and went for the wearnes tech sales where i bought a new black IDE CDRW 52x32x52 at a dirt cheap price of $55 and a spindle of 100 cdr at $38 dollars, both branded Imation. It was realli a bargain and we proceeded back to my house to drop my purchase after that. Then we went for our pool game, and thot of justin.....called him and he mentioned he is in that area and so we met up wif him and played some neat pool. Thereafter, we headed to PS for BK dinner, followed by a few games in the arcade. Went home after that and fixed my new CDRW and went out to meet my Sec Sch npcc frens @ amk central S11 and chatted til 3.....wah we realli tok a lot....but all guys tok lah...typical....and VOILA!!! Saturday passed jus like that.

Saw the channel u idol show last nite and spotted my gan mei on it....kns....go join also never jio me..haha. Well guess if she realli jio i also wont join one lor. Am happy with my muchuan performance liow. I dun ask for a lot....But its a pity she nv won, realli a pity if not she make it liow....and i will be very happy. heehee

Its been a realli long time since i last saw HY.....even though i did call her once in a while but i still miss her alot.....miss her so much that i dreamt of her again last nite. Stupid dream though but we r together in the dream. Is this a sign?? Bad or good, if it realli is. Missing someone realli sucks. Its ok to miss someone but its not when u dun get to see that someone often. Its like addiction.....except u wont realli suffer from withdrawal syndrome lah. Maybe a bit lah....like keep thinking of her, every second every minute.....her image jus keep on appearing in my mind.....especially when i'm not thinking of anything. When something good happen, feel like calling her immediately and tell her, receive something good, feel like sharing wif her. Received taka voucher from my manager and first thing that comes to my mind is ask her got anything to buy from taka.....realli realli miss her alot. Wonder when can i get to see her again to ease my withdrawal syndrome.....

Missing her everyday.....til i blog again.....

Cheers,
Teddy 1m1i1s1s1h1y1

sunshine after the rain

Yu guo le yi ding huei tian qing, Well i'm back on my feet again. It was actually the public performance at a charity event which brought me back to my feet. It was such satisfying and fulfilling experience and i realli want to thank muchuan for this precious chance.

I performed the first time in public as a muchuan singer @ suntec, jus outside Carrefour the open space, on national day itself. It was a charity event organised by the NUSSU. And i was left esctatic after the performance cos it feels so great to do something for the unfortunate and to know that i actually am so lucky to be able to do all the thing i can do now where some ppl might not even be able to do since birth. Well, couple of things left me very very happy, one is that my ganjie, karen, actually turned up to support me.....Very surprised cos she told me she will be watching a movie. I was so happy and surprised to see her standing there below the stage. Another thing is actually i was suppose to sing her jackie chueng's number, "ai shi yong heng" but apparently no one can play that song so i sang Ocean's, "gu dan bei ban qui" and the nice thing is that everyone clapped after i sang the frist verse and chorus.....was SO SO sO touched....realli feel like a star man. Did the performance with ah du, jian hua, mei lian, zhi wei and qiu qun. Zhi wei and qui qun are new singers like me lah and i did a few duet with qiu qun and i can say we realli got mo qi cos we did it very well. Looking forward to more chances to team up with her again lor.....

and to yan, my feeling for u will not change.....at least not in the near future lah.....and i wish u all the best for ur exams and i will borrow u all my luck on that day....like wat u did when i had mine. Study hard.....support u all the way.

My next performance @ muchuan will be on 16th and 31st of this month. @ nite from 8 to 11 and cover charge of $10 applies. For those who want to come support me, i say u come next time when i got performance on sunday afternoon cos no need to pay cover charge and drinks onli $1 so its cheaper and u wont be so disappointed when i turned out to be not up to the standard. hee hee!! :)

Cheers,
Teddy 1l1o1v1e1h1y1 (btw i gave my pack of marlboro away, cos it nearly ruin my life. Will nv touch cig ever again)

downtime....

Finally got to watch "Brotherhood" today and the movie is now on my MOVIE OF THE YEAR list. Yes, i realli enjoyed the movie thru and thru, with its fair share of violence, culture, touching scenes, CGI, etc..... Its realli worth every awards available. I can say its not totally a war movie, its jus that it all happens during war period and how brotherly love is shown. Like wat thomas said, its worth every dollars and if i realli onli have $8.50 left, i wont regret spending it on this film. Out of 5 stars, i rate it 4.5 stars.

After the movie, went Mac for dinner with edward whom i watched the movie wif. And we complained to each other bout work til ard 12 plus.....ha ha complain this complain that.....haiz.....life realli sux. And after we part our way, i walked all the way from PS to pacific plaza and took a cab home from there. Such long queue outside CB.....

And during the walk, i realli feel so down that i realli feel like killing myself lah. Saw so many ppl, couples and grps of frens and i'm walking alone along orchard rd. Thot so much....and i dun know y i feel so down also. Was it work? Was it her? or was it Life and everything?? Life realli sux.....Everything is so unfair. Saw a gal light her cig and suddenly feel like smoking also. And acting on impulse, i bought my first pack of Marlboro menthol light, light my first "bought" stick and felt like shit after that. Maybe i will throw it away or give it away lah.....Realli feel like toking to someone about everything but couldnt think of anyone to tok to at that time of the nite.....i really feel so down....so down.....Feel totally fucked up....super fucked up.....was wondering wat its like to die and leave everything fuck thing behind.....i know i will be sorry to my family and frens who cared bout me but they cant realli do anything to help also lah huh??

As for now, realli feel that everything will ultimately be fine after i woke up tomolo morning after a good sleep.....so tired of everything now. Out of my 24 yrs of life, I never realli felt like this before. But i know i muz get out of this somehow, and be strong like wat my ganjie says.

Hope that i will sleep all this feelings away tonite lor and wake up happy tomolo. But i will be the most happy if i can have her by my side now. Nothing beats that lah.....she's my antidote to everything now i guess....and to yan, if u r reading this, dun blame urself.....this got nothing to do wif u,..... its all jus me. I jus want u to be happy rite? Its all to my own accord that i have to go thru all this.....i brought it upon myself. Its all jus me and me alone.....

Cheers,
Teddy 1L1O1V1E1H1Y1

-------

What I got to do to make you love me?
What I got to do to make you care?
What do I do when lightning strikes me?
And a way to find when your not there?

What I got to do to make you want me?
What I got to do to be heard?
What do I say when its all over?

wat have i got to do???
wat have i got to do???

Can someone please tell me????


cheers,
Teddy 1L1O1V1E1H1Y1

......

Saw ganjie's quote of the moment.....felt like shit man....dun know y?? today felt super down. Even the temp staff at the SMU roadshow asked me y i so stone. Totally no mood for anything, maybe been thinking too much i guess. Thinking bout wat she had said and thinking this that and everything.

"the worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them", tell me bout it lah.....thats wat i'm going thru now and it really sux lor, SERIOUSLY!!! Its like she single but not available kind of thingy and it really feels like shit to be "not rejected" and "not accepted". Its like buying lottery and the lottery never did open.....dun know got win or not. i think u all know wat i mean rite?? Bai lui li bai, dou mei you kai.....(starting of song to "tu ran fa cai") haiz.....dun know wat to do liow lah.....is this a test??

Came back from work cos no one to go out wif and no one jio go anywhere.....so sian...last week also like that. Boring Friday.....went for jog before dinner and its the longest i had ran since ORD.....i ran to bishan park 1 or 2 i cant recall and actually ran the whole of the park 1 or 2 once. But realli shagged out after the run.....leg aching a bit now....maybe i overdid it lah. after that had a nice bath and ate dinner.....played my guitar a bit and here i am bloggin nonsense again.

"i'm not crazy,
i'm jus a little unwell,
i know rite now u cant tell,
but stay a while, and maybe then u'll see,
a different side of me.

i'm not crazy,
i'm jus a little impaired,
i know rite now u dont care,
but soon enuff u're gonna think of me,
and how i use to be..."

Unwell- Matchbox Twenty

cheers,
Teddy I1S1T1I1L1L1L1O1V1E1H1Y

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I love someone.....i give and care unconditionally for that person. Iregardless of wat i get in return, and no, i'm not waiting for any answer. maybe i am but who doesnt? Saying goes "wat goes ard, comes ard". "its better to give than to receive", i love and give and expects something back at least. of cos at least something.....no matter how much even if its not equivalent. "no fish, shrimp also good". i give so i naturally expect some return.....even if u cant give me equivalent, at least give me that little nothing and i will be contented. Like i said, i am very very silly and foolish. In fact i admit i really really am silly and foolish, i believe in love, i believe in giving unconditionally when i love that person very much. It love that drive me to do all this and not the desire or need to have a relationship, cos if thats the case, i would have given up long ago. Maybe i havent grow up, not physically but mentally. I really have a lot more to learn and a lot more to experience. A friend told me to learn to love someone who loves you, but.....teach me how. Do i have to learn it the hard way? Wats so difficult to love and accept someone? Love is actually very very simple but ppl tends to think too much and make it complicated.....thats wat i think. Maybe she dun have a feeling for me, maybe not even that little bit. its jus a one sided thing and i'm the onli willing party. But i'm not realli prepared to give up or wait for someone to love me in order to love. Cos if i dont love and give, how am i ever going to receive anything? It works like nature, in a cycle, it goes rd and rd. Maybe the saying is rite, "dun chase after happiness, jus look straight and walk ahead, happiness will follow u" Said the mother dog to the puppy who kept running ard in circles trying to catch its own tail cos the mother dog mentioned b4 that the tail is like happiness. She ask me to move on and pursue my dream.....i am, i am pursuing my dream and while i do that, cant i even have someone to share my woes and happiness with along the way and when i do achieve my dream, i hope that person i shared the joys and sadness with is none other than u.....cos i love u, really.....i realli realli do.....if loving someone is realli that hard, then y love in the first place??

Cheers,
Teddy,the silly bear who love y@n alot alot alot.......